Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Casting Out Fear!

Wow, I can't believe we had our second post placement report today. Our social worker was at our house bright and early this morning at 9:30am. That might not seem so early to some, but considering our entire family woke up an hour later than we expected things were a little rushed this morning. We are pleased to report that E has been extremely easy to adjust into the family! She is a dear, sweet, and helpful child who really has a love for God and is able to talk about her feelings easily with me. She has worked through a lot of grief since the last post placement and we are so proud of her and thankful God choose us to be her parents. E is enjoying the relief of being just a little girl without a lot of other stresses in her life.
Baby M is growing so fast and is very mobile...I mean fast! She is generally cheerful, yet of all our adopted children she has had the roughest time with her adjustment. I have had many sessions of serious holding time to help her work through her mistrust issues acquired from her earlier traumas. There have been times after these sessions that my arms are shaking from exhaustion. But I must report that as difficult and at times scary as it seems we are definitely seeing progress. Just to encourage any of you other adoptive parents that are experiencing attachment problems, hang in there and get outside help if you need it. Yesterday was a particularly hard day. At one point she was raging and I felt fear. Immediately it was like God spoke to me and said, " Love has no room for fear. Rather, perfect love casts out all fear..." I got a mental image of myself coming towards a ball and picking it up and throwing it far, far away. It seems that in order to get rid of fear it is necessary to move closer to what is frightening us and actually cast it away. It will not just miraculously go away by itself and running away from it or ignoring it is not Biblical. So for one more session in my rocker with my raging baby I sat until her anger subsided and a calmness came over her. She ended up falling asleep. With each of these sessions her anger is a little less. Tonight we went through the routine I have started...music, massage, blanket, rocker, bottle, singing and holding. It was better...much better! I know the brokenness in my baby came from the sin of man...she was the recipient. So as her mother I will hang in there even though it is exhausting and after six months we are still seeing her pain. But things are improving and she is worth every sore muscle and fit she can muster. She smiled and laughed tonight...what a joy. Maybe she still has more to "get out" and work through, but I am not afraid of tomorrow. I understand that I need to move toward the fear and literally "cast it out". No one will deter me, not even my angry baby who acts like she doesn't want me to hold her sometimes. I will win so she can understand that is exactly how God is and as time goes on she will learn she can trust both of us.


Ray and Lisa said...

Thanks for your insights as well. I always love reading your blog because I feel like I always learn something or am challenged in a new way. I'm going to remember that perfect love casts out all fear!

Kari said...

Oh, its so good to see you blogging again...your posts are always vivid & helpful to all of us!! THANK YOU for sharing sweet girl's struggles. She is so beautiful and God will heal her heart. I love your loving spirit & God confidence!! After 10 months home, we are really seeing major affection from Zoie & allowing me finally to rock her tight without squirming out of my arms. I sing, pray & talk to her...she's 100% melted in my arms. I'm so grateful that God has allowed this special bonding.
Ohhhhh...I can't wait for bedtime:))
You are a blessing to me!!
I miss you!!

Thankfulmom said...

You are so right about casting away fear. When I begin to worry about the future and what my child's behavior may look like in five years, my own fear grows and my ability to help my child heal is nearly gone.

You are doing a great job!

Debi said...

Thanks for the updates on your sweet girls. I thought it might just have been the angle of the photo in your last post- Meseret looked so much bigger.
I pray for God's continued healing work in their hearts and spirits. His love truly is the only thing that casts out fear. I also pray for your continued wisdom as a mom.
Love and hugs and prayers,

Anonymous said...

I can't wait to catch up with you on Thursday.

You are in my prayers.